No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
