My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
