I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
