just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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