Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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