is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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