i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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