She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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