She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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