think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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