do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
