doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
