I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
