it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
