i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
