I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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