Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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