He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
