you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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