Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I enjoy the company of your penis
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize