I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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