i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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