my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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