I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize