i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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