Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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