Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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