is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
