barbara walters just said penis...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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