Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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