Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Even my vagina gasped.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
