i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
