Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this boner is exhausting
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
