All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
