a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
