just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
