my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
