I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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