thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
