Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Randomize
