I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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