one two three fourrrrnication!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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