maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
