Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
