Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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