My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
