the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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