Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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