What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
