I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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