I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
