I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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