Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
