he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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