Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
