I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
