I'm so fucking centered right now
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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