Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Holy sore nipples Batman
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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