my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
