Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
