It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
