Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
