dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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