I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
