carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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