who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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