I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
