rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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